Facebook Gimp of the Week goes to my flatmate's brother's wife: "So CHN tells me that it's normal for babies to have just regained their birth weight by now (2 weeks 3 days) and that normal weight gain per week is between 100-200 grams ... our little chunker has put on 682 grams since discharge, grown a centimeter longer to 53cm and gained another 1.5cms to his head circumference at 35.5cm! Gonna be big like his Daddy!!!
Gosh, there's so much in there, where to begin? Well, putting aside the poor grammar and the needless length of the thing, there are a few elements I'd like to unpack here. First: the word discharge. Not a great word. Not a word one needs to see in one's newsfeed first thing in the morning. Particularly not when it refers to the DISCHARGE of a HUMAN BEING from a VAGINA (unwanted images of the John Hurt moment come to mind). Also, you know, there's just a little bit too much information here. Lots of numbers. And I like numbers. But these ones are all a bit unnecessary. There is a more concise way of doing this. You could say, "My baby is growing exponentially! This makes him better than all the other babies out there! Nyah nyah nyah." This, I think, conveys the general crux of what's going on here.
Because really, what is the most offensive thing about this status update? Even worse than the poor grammar, the clinical information usually reserved for private conversations, the implication that Daddy is "big" (more unwanted information to digest with your cereal), is the suggestion that her baby is more advanced than other babies and therefore the BEST. Now obviously every parent thinks their child is more exceptional than others. But Facebook has unfortunately allowed us to share our narcissistic tendencies with the wider populace. Cue six sycophantic comments and 29 "likes".
Gosh, there's so much in there, where to begin? Well, putting aside the poor grammar and the needless length of the thing, there are a few elements I'd like to unpack here. First: the word discharge. Not a great word. Not a word one needs to see in one's newsfeed first thing in the morning. Particularly not when it refers to the DISCHARGE of a HUMAN BEING from a VAGINA (unwanted images of the John Hurt moment come to mind). Also, you know, there's just a little bit too much information here. Lots of numbers. And I like numbers. But these ones are all a bit unnecessary. There is a more concise way of doing this. You could say, "My baby is growing exponentially! This makes him better than all the other babies out there! Nyah nyah nyah." This, I think, conveys the general crux of what's going on here.
Because really, what is the most offensive thing about this status update? Even worse than the poor grammar, the clinical information usually reserved for private conversations, the implication that Daddy is "big" (more unwanted information to digest with your cereal), is the suggestion that her baby is more advanced than other babies and therefore the BEST. Now obviously every parent thinks their child is more exceptional than others. But Facebook has unfortunately allowed us to share our narcissistic tendencies with the wider populace. Cue six sycophantic comments and 29 "likes".
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